at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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