12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
BRING THE BAGELS
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
