i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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