you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize