A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
