He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
