If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
