my text book just quoted the cookie monster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
