Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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