The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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