and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
