Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
