I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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