i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
