I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
