Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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