i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
