Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just forgot I was standing up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
