The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
