I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
pop tarts are not kleenex
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
