All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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