So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
