I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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