and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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