i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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