Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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