he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
