I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
