You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
