My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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