I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
