Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
