I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have fence marks all over my body
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
