last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize