If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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