1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How's work?
Spinning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
