Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
