I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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