some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
