Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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