Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
