so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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