She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
