Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
