I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
