was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
