FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
