Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
