I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
