Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
