There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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