No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
