Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
