dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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