so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
