I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
