I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
