hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
