girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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