No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
