But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
