the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
