did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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