I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
