She is in my trunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
