a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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