When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
