party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
