I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
