I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
