Jerry, you need to find god
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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