I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
