who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
