you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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