i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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