Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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