oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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