I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
